Your doula talks about “slowing down” in postpartum. What does she actually mean?
The cocoon of postpartum is a time like no other. The days blend together and the nights and days can be indistinguishable. It can feel like groundhog day, and then you look back and it felt like time flew by. It’s impossible to explain or to contain time during this period. But it is possible to embrace it. Here are three ways I encourage new mothers to embrace the slowness and stillness of the postpartum period.
Take a deep breath
You’ve heard this advice before, but it can feel like you don’t even have the time in the day to do this. One of the simplest ways to show yourself some care, regulate your nervous system, and slow down the pace of your mind and your day is to take a deep breath.
Find a moment (or even better, a few!) that you can use as anchors, moments that remind you to breathe. It can be your first sip of coffee, every time you look out the window, or when you’re shaking up a bottle. It can be the moment after your baby latches, a few deep breaths when your partner hugs you, or while you wash your face.
Start with three deep breaths, and then see if there’s space for 5. See if there’s a few minutes.
This will slow your mind down, it will slow your nervous system down, and will tune you in deeper to your surroundings and take you out of fight or flight. It resets you between tasks, and carves out space for you that before, went unnoticed. You never know, these deep breaths could become one of your favourite parts of the day.
Inhale through your nose for four seconds, and exhale from your mouth for 6. Continue this pattern and see how slow and long you can create your exhales, and see all the spaces you can fill your body with with your inhales.
Let yourself do “nothing”
Of course, as a new mom, you’re never doing nothing. Your mind is filled with measurements and lists and tasks, and your body is constantly feeding. There can be so much going on around you, and yet also, moments of painstaking stillness and silence.
Sometimes, it’s the silence and stillness that is more uncomfortable for us than the endless train of thought and dishes to do. Practicing sitting in silence, without your phone, without the hum of the television, without dividing yourself between three different things, is a way to regulate your nervous system, tune into your own intuition, and connect with your baby. Try a feed with no distractions. Try a wake window with no cell phone or television. Instead of a task, sit though a nap with a cup of tea and a slow snack.
Learning to be okay in silence, redefine what productive means, and allowing afternoons to be still helps accept what the postpartum period is instead of fight against it.
Moments of joy
We are so used to hustle. We are so used to finding value in our productivity. We are so used to joy being the last thing we give to ourselves in a day.
During the days that blend together, small moments of joy can be what separates them. Relaxing music, good food, an easy read, a funny show. Let yourself enjoy small indulgences of pleasure, and if you have a hard time cultivating these moments for yourself, ask your partner or doula or friend to create these moments for you.
It can feel odd to watch television in the afternoon, read a book when there’s dishes to do, or listen to music you like with your newborn for the first time. Valuing moments of joy can help help you enjoy parts of your postpartum period, ease stress and anxiety, help you connect with others, and act as self care. Slow down, and literally smell the roses. You deserve it.